Choose Your Pain (Eh?)
by Robert Edwards

Having ADHD and chronic pain at the same time is like trying to juggle squirrels during a snowstorm. The brain’s yelling, “Look! A distraction!” while the body’s whispering, “You moved wrong and now everything hurts forever.” It’s chaos with a touch of comedy.

But here’s what I’ve figured out — and yes, I consider this cutting-edge neuroscience: the mind can only process one pain at a time. That’s it. One ticket, one ride. No double-bookings in the pain department.

It’s actually kind of handy. The trick is, you get to choose your pain.

So when the kidney’s screaming, “I’m passing a rock the size of a hockey puck!” sometimes I’ll redirect. Stub a toe, bite my lip, smack a funny bone — congratulations, pain has moved offices. Now the kidney’s on break while the toe gets its fifteen minutes of fame.

Pain’s got seniority, but it’s got no multitasking skills.

And with ADHD, that’s kind of poetic. My brain can’t stick to one thought for more than three seconds, but my nervous system? Laser focus. One pain at a time, please and thank you.

That’s where humor sneaks in — not as a cure, but as a distraction strong enough to compete. Pain wants attention, but so does the part of me that finds it ridiculous that a microscopic rock can turn me into a dramatic opera singer. Sometimes I just start laughing at how absurd it all is — because if I don’t, I’ll end up naming the stone and writing it an angry breakup letter.

Pain isn’t always the villain. Sometimes it’s a weird, uninvited mindfulness coach. “Hey,” it says, “notice this exact second of existence.” It’s uncomfortable, but also grounding. It’s like a bizarre way of saying, you’re alive, deal with it.

So I do. With a grin, a groan, and a few questionable life choices. I use humor like a shield — not to block the pain, but to bend it. To make it smaller, sillier, easier to carry.

Because at the end of the day, the mind can only hold one pain at a time — so I might as well make it one that makes me laugh.

If I’m going to hurt anyway, I’ll take the kind of pain that reminds me I’m still here, still fighting, still ridiculous — still me.

And if that means chuckling through the drain pain with a cup of lukewarm coffee and a bad pun?
Then so be it. I’ll choose that pain every time. 🇨🇦